Help! My kid is addicted to video games!

Gaming addiction is a growing concern among children and adolescents. Video games can be fun and even provide socialization to children. However, when a child's relationship with gaming interferes with their ability to function, there is a problem. Even though video games have been around for almost 50 years, research about their harm is still in the early stages. Different groups have come to different conclusions about whether problem playing should be called an "addiction."

The World Health Organization added "gaming disorder" to the 2018 version of its medical reference book, the International Classification of Diseases. But the American Psychiatry Association's manual, the DSM-5, didn't.

I tend to agree with the WHO on this debate. This opinion is based on my first-hand experience with children who have faced poor academic performance and relational problems secondary to the excessive desire or drive to game. Children can also panic, have irritability and mood swings, and even become aggressive when limits are set on gaming. They will engage in risky behaviors (i.e., stealing from parents or peers) to get access to gaming. I have also seen some of the same effects on families found in other addictions. Parents often fall into roles on the "drama triangle" secondary to an effort to try and curtail gaming addiction. Parents are often angry and depressed and eventually give in and use gaming as a tool for discipline. This often leads to a worsening of the problem.

The good news is that recovery from a gaming addiction is possible. It takes a lot of effort and patience, but children can have a more balanced and healthy relationship with gaming. Here are a couple of tips to help:

1. Remove the gaming system from the child's room. The bedroom is for sleeping, not for play. Put the video game in a central location where you can observe and limit play times.

2. Set a gaming schedule for the entire home. Create a 1-2 hour window for gaming and electronics. Chores, homework and other important activities should be completed before gaming can begin. You can download several applications to turn off Wi-Fi access to certain devices to help enforce this boundary. If the child continues to push or break the boundary, the video game should be taken away entirely for a pre-determined amount of time. Parents should lead by example and also follow this rule. You cannot expect your child to get off a game if you are also glued to a device.

3. Get your child involved in other hobbies. Sign them up for karate, swimming, baseball, clubs, or other outside activities. There are a variety of free or low-cost activities the whole family can enjoy. Even going for an afternoon walk as a family can make a difference. These changes will help keep your child stimulated and lessen the dependency on gaming.

4. Do not bargain. If your child has a toxic relationship with gaming, do not use video games as a reward. Imagine if we used alcohol or drugs with an addicted person. Parents using gaming as a reward reinforces the addiction. Instead, consider other rewards that will strengthen activities outside of gaming. Maybe take your child to the movies or take them on a fun day trip as a reward.

5. Stick to your boundaries. Boundaries are hard for parents. Parents feel guilt and sometimes shame in setting firm boundaries. Remember that boundaries are not about your feelings. Boundaries are about keeping your child safe. By not setting boundaries, you are not caring for your child.

6. Be patient. Rome was not built in a day. These new boundaries will take a lot of work to implement. Expect tantrums, anxiety, and even mood changes in your child. The change will be incremental. There will be setbacks. Children will often take two steps forward and three steps back. Setbacks are part of the recovery process.

7. Seek help. Video gaming addiction is a serious concern and the child will need professional help. I strongly suggest the child and family work with a therapist to help address the problem. In severe cases, tackling gaming addiction alone can be unsafe. Children need the professional support of a therapist to enhance coping and build resiliency as boundaries are enacted.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I continue to wish you and your family all the best.

Eddie