Coping With Your Child's Mental Health

Raising children is not easy (that's why I have dogs! LOL JK!). Parents act as coaches, lifeguards, cooks, maids, and nurses just to name a few roles. Having a child with mental illness adds yet another layer of complexity to the life of a parent. The good news is you are not alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control, in any given year, 20% of American children will be diagnosed with a mental illness. That means more than likely you have a friend or colleague who parents a child with mental illness. You should not feel shame, guilt, or other irrational feelings about your role. Instead, replace those feelings with a desire to continuously grow as a parent with a child with mental illness. In my work with families, I have found a few common characteristics in the most successful and resilient parents:

1. Be patient. Every child's mental health journey is different. I have seen children have dramatic, overnight recoveries and those who make gradual progress. Mental health problems are disorders that can alter the brain and often require prolonged treatment in order to see improvements. Take a deep breath and understand that recovery is possible for all children.

2. Educate your child. Especially if they are younger, they may not understand what is going on. They are probably already curious so take the time to explain to them their disorder, their symptoms, and why it is happening. Answer any of their questions as well. The more your child understands their mental illness, the more likely they will be able to recognize if their symptoms get worse and ask for help.

3. Educate yourself. The best way for you to help your child is to understand their illness. There are plenty of resources out there (see our resources for parents in the "Current Clients" section of the website). Read books on the subject. There are countless on the topic of parenting children with mental illness. Join a parent support group so that you can learn from others who are or have already raised a child with mental illness.

4. Care for yourself. Self-care is vital to being a successful parent. Self-care can help replenish your energy, focus, and positivity. Children are unaware of the need for balance, so parents must set boundaries themselves. Parents often view boundary setting as selfish, but it can help parents have more energy for themselves and their children. Examples of self-care activities include: playing a sport, going to the spa, reading a book alone, taking up a new hobby, or even going on a shopping spree (my favorite!). Caring for yourself also includes caring for your mental health. Consider your own psychotherapy if your mental health is being negatively impacted. This will only help improve the care you provide to your child.

5. Ask for Help. There is an old proverb that says "it takes a village" to raise a child. This is more pronounced when caring for a child with mental illness. Be open to delegating parenting roles to your partner. If you are a single parent, be open to asking other family members to help or seeking outside resources such as respite care or after-school programs.

I hope these tips bring you some reassurance that you are not alone, help exists, and that you can be a successful parent of a child with mental illness.

All the best,

Eddie